after long explanations and thoughtfulness and even then barely-superficial consideration theres two things still worth hashing out:

one, the things left behind are really important, and i still cant get over the brilliance of the glass slipper, the fortuitous circumstances were all so in love with just taken care of, an image really worth its words; stealing things as, instead of a gap-filler, protection against future loss; the loveliness of having a new void, that youre confident isnt, at least, taking anyone elses space, especially your own; knowing that, as usual, you object to the principle of competing so utterly that maybe its finally progressed into true empathy, like its supposed to; knowing that while, ok, its progressing, you are no saint; at least there is, therein, an incredible strength of self that you cant, whatever else there may be, forget; relying on that, bracing yourself, because the word ensuing is kind of tagging along after you up in queens somewhere. which it is, despite the overbearing solitude thats making me leave all the lights on tonight, sleep on the couch (comfort of communal space), not shower, because, like i said, the void isnt taking up my space, it isnt me, but it sure doesnt fix the solitude, either. it just makes it ring hollow, the clapper on a bell.

two, my ego contemporaneously doesnt forgive and doesnt have any idea whats best for me, which more or less translates to If you didnt know any better its not my fault and im not about to forget it. which is no good whatever for anyone, but at least has similarly negative (as in impotent) bearings on reality, in that it tends to produce a galling, enthralling number of non-response responses from both me and anyone who happens to fall victim to ego-demands; the ego at her best wants me to pretend that the offensive party doesnt exist, not meriting such attentions, which luckily seems to generally work with the goals of the offending party. hence the one-sided "you dont know were in a fight" fights. also henceforth known as the 'getting really fucking stoned and "finally worked up the nerve to buy condoms from the old lady at the drug store" possibility of getting laid so i hope you understand why i dont have time to see you' fights, which i cannot stress enough are sheerly ego-oriented and have nothing to do with my actually not at all inept ability to get over people. i can, is the long and short of that, and i realize im not good with actual positive reinforcement, but the point is im far and away - cant you tell - too narcissistic, introspective, overanalytical-obsessed to do anything but get over people intrinsically, in and of themselves, without drawing others into the practice aside from the occasional whinge. its the proegressive im incompetent and external with, and ive never been an optimist, the ensuing, you go for it; ensue, as you will.