why new york is exciting:

1. you never know if that 6'+ homeless guy walking past you is not, in fact, going to walk past you, but instead is going to try to punch you out with a nice left hook. thanks buddy. yeah.
2. a one-woman (written, directed, performed, cradle-to-grave) show about her experiences in rwanda (fall in love, almost die, drink tea) will reassure you that your life is, in fact, really fucking boring. no, really, stop saying "but--"; no one cares.
3. not only does my roommate have a CANE but get this, this is amazing, he has to wear dress shoes with it. he has to! doctors orders! hahahahaha (stiff soles or something - but still!).
4. or then theres the good ole "leave the atm card in the atm machine" trick, which always stirs things up a bit when all else - "but i just wanted to go grocery shopping" - fails.
5. or the ensuing lecture from your mother about how mayyyyybe youre still just a twee little bit irresponsible young lady you live in a big, scary, mean city now and could you please stop losing that damn card and why o why must you always leave it in the most obvious of LOUDLY BEEPING AT YOU TO TAKE YOUR CARD places?
6. and the "mother" game, where your conscience takes on the persona of an uptight, hardass, bible-thumping belt-snapping mom (who is really nothing like yours at all) in order to express itself since youve basically closed-circuited it out of your life (manhole covers...flocks of sheep, hereded by string and sheepdogs) so you end up muttering to yourself while walking down the sidewalk: "young lady...were you thinking...", when in reality you just got off the phone with your real mother who cancelled your card and is giving you cash to tide you over until you get your card back, at worst maybe called you sweetie.
7. i need to prepare a pirate joke for next time i see orlando bloom skateboarding so i dont just stand and blink (repeat) (which, for the record, is about the reaction i expect from any pirate joke i ever tell, to anyone).
8. pouncing on the free moma tomorrow afternoon (how unbelievable is it that target has to sponsor it? what kind of asshole, over-puffedly self-important museum cant afford even four free hours a week? ok, yes, they admit it: "The ultimate purpose of the Museum declared at its founding was to acquire the best modern works of art," and its kind of cute how shameless they are. awwe. still: pouncing, roar).
9. the ever-pressing need to constantly Make Excuses: why youre late (i get on the right train in the wrong direction embarassingly often), why you forgot the wine (the guy at my liquor store tends to disappear for big chunks of time, though he leaves the store open), why youre busy saturday (my plants need me), why are you hanging out in midtown (honestly, everywhere is too expensive, so why single out the 30s?), why are you not up by 10 (im unemployed, remember?), why did you just send me a tyra banks voicemail that calls me "chocolate mama" (i love ANTM shamelessly and you should too, though the chocolate part, well)?
10. increasing dopiness. i feel dumber every.damn.day.
11. there are other people here who love alaska, and dont think im crazy.
12. (this ones a little smarmy) for all the crushing mess of people, its getting easier to connect to them in real ways.
13. its fun to be an idiot: navy blue and black totally match. and no one (its the anti-junior-high) looks at you funny.
14. people are intimidating in their creative energy.
15. anti-war shows - at least until the concert organizers come out and kill the energy by stiltifying it (its hard to look a blatant 'we are going to stop the war in iraq with this show in union square' lie in the face and not die a little, when you really do wish it were true).

bedtime. wasnt that a lame ending? man, i kinda suck these days. pffffftt