tempus fugit.

oh my god there is no time. i am sick of being responsible and having no money and googling the location of everything. and trying to iron things when i dont have hangers to put them on because they at least have to wrinkle nicely. and letting things like eggs dated from may in the fridge bother me, and feeling utterly compelled to go buy new ones. in the damn city grocery store that does not in fact meet the qualifications of a grocery store (produce? produce, anyone? how about some fucking fruit in this neighborhood? guys?). getting home at a damn reasonable hour every day, or sleeping on someone elses futon - nice futons, no doubt, but waking up more or less in a kitchen, and a strange one at that. or GOD FORBID i get drunk, because coming from 10k' i cant get tipsy for under a bottle of hard liquor, and if i even think about eating anything after 2pm im just rock solid sober for the rest of the day. and what if i tried to sit down and, say, listen to music for a solid priceless hour that would later wrack me with guilt? how about trying to leave the apartment without it being a production, either of "do i at least not smell funny, and feel that i can sit on the subway without feeling inadequate, or maybe at least inadequate with mascara" or of "i think id better take off the pumps and pinstripes to go to the bank, seeing as its in bed-sty and im white enough as is." god, and could i please stop bleaching the shit out of everything in sight? or, say, shut the fuck up because there are clearly things i feel i should be doing, and this isnt exactly on the short list?

i am very happy about being unbearably self-sufficient, but at some point id like to keep the self but drop the so fucking sufficient. JUST SUFFICIENT WILL DO, THANK YOU. ID LIKE TO CHILL. faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa